Living the retired life

Capers in fabulous retirement communities seem to be having a moment, between Netflix's A Man on the Inside and The Thursday Murder Club book series and Netflix movie. And honestly, I am here for it. It's good to see that kind of age representation on screen, and also for people to see life in senior living communities.

I've seen some people say that Pacific View Retirement Community isn't realistic. It seems a lot of people--and, indeed, some of the media surrounding Inside--think that it's a nursing home. And it isn't. At nursing homes, people are generally getting a lot more care; it's generally even more than what you'd get in an assisted living facility. Rather, retirement communities tend to offer a continuum of care, where residents can live independently and, if needed, eventually move to assisted living (generally still with very nice apartments and amenities) and/or memory care. They're not nursing homes.

(Coopers Chase, in Thursday Night, is possibly unrealistic. The thing is, like, a castle. It was filmed where Pippa Middleton got married, for heaven's sake! And the apartments the characters live in match the setting. Pacific View is nice, but in a way that matches my experiences. But I also certainly don't know anyone in England in a fancy retirement community.)

What really struck me with Inside is how well it showed the different levels of care in the community (though it did generally skip over assisted living; there barely was anyone even with a cane, much less a walker or wheelchair), and I loved the depiction of life for the residents. Particularly, though Ted Danson's Charles moves in and immediately starts getting to know everyone and make friends (as part of his assignment to hunt down a jewelry thief), it shows that that's not the case for everyone. And the residents talk about how they handle the knowledge that they're in a community where many of them will die, where people will deteriorate physically and mentally. 

But these are communities! The activities we see at Pacific View and Cooper's Chase are accurate. There are happy hours and classes and sports and excursions. There's gossip and cliques. There are routines and resident committees. 

There were so many little moments in the show that hit him for me. Both of my grandmothers lived in retirement communities; my dad's mother lived in a couple before winding up in an assisted living facility. My mother has lived in all parts of a retirement community--independent living, assisted living, and memory care.

Colleen E. Hayes/Netflix

Both Man and Thursday Night deal quite directly with adults with memory loss and both were so well done. In both, a main character has a spouse with memory loss (both presumably Alzheimer's, but I don't remember whether it was specified in either); I feel like the portrayal in Thursday Night is a bit more idealized, perhaps, but everyone's journey is different (and I only hope Stephen stays at that plateau for a long, long time). Man, being a series, has a bit more time to spend, so we get to not only learn about Charles's experience as a caregiver, but also experience not only residents experiencing memory loss but also, again, how the other residents handle that situation.

None of it is easy. Charles and his daughter have a conversation near the end of the series that pretty much broke me. It all rings incredibly true.

These are both very much worth watching. Man is from Michael Shur, who did the Good Place and Parks and Rec and Brooklyn Nine Nine; it is very funny. (Bonus: One of the characters is an Orioles fan!) Shur is incredibly good at finding the balance of humor and poignancy. Thursday Night is less funny--though it certainly has its moments--but is a very fun whodunit. 

And they're both excellent reminders that life doesn't end at 30...or 40...or 70.